Part I. Sacrifices When Called to Protect
Sacrifice is defined: “To surrender or give up, or permit injury, or disadvantage to, for the sake of something else.” I have thought about this a lot during this past week in relation to our military service members and their families. You see each member of the family and the service member herself/himself sacrifice (separate in time and space, some get injured, most have hidden injuries, and others face amazing disadvantages just by the absence of someone important to their life). All of this happens so that you and I can have freedom. I am pretty certain that most of us have not spent much time thinking about what this means. It is important for us to take a few minutes today to consider it so I hope you will give of your time (sacrifice) to understand what we ask of military families.
Compass Retreat Center works primarily with National Guard and Reservists so let’s start here. How do these men, women and their families sacrifice for us?
- The service member receives orders with roughly 6-12 months to get their affairs in order before they are deployed for an avg. of a year. This means, notifying an employer in some cases and in others it means making arrangements for his/ her own business to run without him/her. It is true that many own their own small businesses.
- Service Members also have to make arrangements for the care of their children. This may involve arranging childcare (often with less income), making transportation arrangements so that kids can get to their activities, school, etc. And most importantly, leaving reminders around so that they will not be forgotten. Mom or dad may desire to leave some video letters to their children, hidden notes or messages for special occasions etc. All of these things take time and planning.
- The service member needs to find a way to say good-bye without saying good-bye. What I mean is they need to have things in order and leave with the internal knowledge that they may not return and hopefully without leaving important things unsaid. This is tricky for just as they are cognitively aware of their own mortality they are consciously trying to shove that back deeper so that they can focus on their desire to come home; an ability to thrive and fight to survive.
- Most families miss celebrations such as birthdays, holidays, and sometimes marked events such as graduation, funerals, or the birth of a child.
- All members of the family change. Think about your own family. Look at pictures from last year. You may have been fortunate to witness these changes first hand but often a service member witnesses them via technology, a photograph, Skype, email or letter. We all know how quickly things change but we are not as conscious of it until we are not present to experience it firsthand. Not only are there physical changes but there are emotional, psychological and spiritual changes as well. Compound that with other relationships and you know it is often hard to navigate even when you are present for it all.
- Everyone has had experiences without the other. Some of those experiences will be shared intentionally and many will go unspoken. The unspoken ones occur for a variety of reasons. For the service member it is a feeling that family members cannot understand what they had to do. Having been in hostile environments myself, I know this to be true. Similarly, there is a fear that, “my spouse may not love the person I have become.” This fear probably goes both ways, but for the service member who spent so much time away it feels amplified.
Unfortunately this is not where the sacrifice ends. In fact it is only the tip of the changes that this military family will be asked to endure. Why? So, that we have freedom.
In my entry on Friday I will explain what happens when the service member returns and how the difficulties are compounded. Coming Home is no simple task. As Americans we should understand the cost of our expectations and our freedom. Please join me again on Friday.
God Bless You til we meet again.
Lisa